A woman has received shocking news this Valentine’s when her fiancé told her that he wanted to be the ceremony’s main event, including being the one chauffeured up the aisle.
Derek Loveless, a thirty-year-old accountant from Southampton, was recently contacted by Wessex Scene when it was revealed that he had denied his soon-to-be wife many of the opportunities common for heterosexual brides, even the chance to wear the white gown.
Mr Loveless describes:
It’s simple really. I want my special day too. Everyone talks about how special it is for the bride, getting your hair done, posing longingly out of windows, walking with all eyes on you down the aisle, everyone’s eyes tearing up as you get closer. It made me realise I want that just as much as my fiancée did, and actually, probably more. Plus, I’d look great in with a sweetheart neckline, I’ve always had a curvy figure that could totally pull it off.
The fiancée, Imogen Phobos, admitted to having anxiety as well as dread at the prospect of all eyes on her. However, when she suggested to her fiancé that she didn’t walk down the aisle and instead they both stood waiting at the top – this isn’t what she meant.
Has he told you he expects me to wear his suit? Our special day is now going to have me in an ill-fitted three-piece, and a thirty-year old with a beer belly strutting down the aisle thinking he’s killing it like Beyoncé would. And he’s taking my morning mimosa appointment! What’s a wedding without a bride getting secretly smashed beforehand? He’ll turn the wedding into a laughing-show, and apparently I’m the unreasonable one.
The wedding, which was due to take place later this month, has now had to be rescheduled due to COVID-19 related issues as well as Mr Loveless not fitting into his fiancée’s previous dress. The original dress, which cost an excess of £3,000, was torn when Mr Loveless attempted to prove to Miss Phobos that ‘sizing guides are just a suggestion’, tearing the dress after he insisted they zip it up all the way (apparently the zipper came under great pressure even after doing it up only 1cm, let alone the full length). Heartbroken and mortified, we were told Mr Loveless cried for hours, swearing to his future wife he was going to lose weight for their special day – he was later found at a kebab shop at 2 am in the morning ordering 20 chicken nuggets, 6 wings, two kebabs and a large chips.
Managing to contact family members and guests, we were initially surprised at how well the news had been received, particularly by the Mr Loveless Snr:
I never had any daughters, but now I finally get to walk my special little guy down the aisle even if he ain’t a girl. I know my son will look killer in a veil, and if I find any men’s eyes wondering to parts of him which they shouldn’t be, they’ll have a firm talking to with my fists.
While we here at Wessex Scene find it unlikely that any men will be looking longingly at Mr Loveless on his special day, we do expect it’ll be a wedding to remember.
The new wedding date is set for next February, and in one last twist, Miss Phobos has recently contacted us to tell us the issue has been cleared up. Both will now be wearing wedding dresses, but Mr Loveless will be the one getting to walk the aisle. It has not yet been decided who is throwing the bouquet.
