That liminal space between Christmas and New Year’s is a time for self- reflection. As we approach the start of a new year, our thoughts turn to ourselves and our accomplishments. We begin to wonder if we are doing enough, if there’s something we can improve. We reflect on changes we’d like to make in the coming year.
So, if you find yourself in this position and you’re thinking, “I haven’t been offensive enough this year…” fear not! This article is here to help! If you pride yourself on being insensitive towards others, if you work to ensure you are never politically correct, you’ve probably covered the usual bases this year and made jokes that are sexist, racist, or homophobic.
But if you think neurodivergent people haven’t been annoyed enough– because that whole pandemic thing wasn’t stressful at all– these tips will ensure that you leave them good and offended! Whether you’re interacting with people who have autism, OCD, anxiety, or many other neurodivergent conditions, this article will make sure you piss off all of them. Just say these ever-helpful things!
- Have you tried NOT being anxious?
If someone suffers from anxiety, there’s a pretty good chance they don’t enjoy it. It’s even more likely that they’d love to find a way to make the anxiety stop. So, don’t ask them about their mental health, their treatment plan, or their experience with therapy or medication. Just go straight for this simple DIY tip that they’ve definitely never thought of before!
- Obsessive Coffee/Christmas/Cat Disorder
Do you have a friend who loves cats, coffee, or Christmas? Maybe you’ve never seen them without a latte in their hand. Maybe they have a million cats or their house is always decorated for Christmas by the beginning of November. Either way, it’s pretty clear that their interest in these things defines their personality.
Unlike people who live with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, your friend “obsesses” about their interest because it genuinely brings them joy. They’re not tortured with thoughts of cats, coffee, or Christmas, and they’re not desperate to make those thoughts stop.
So, make sure you use a phrase like “Obsessive Coffee Disorder” around someone who actually has OCD. They’ll totally find it hilarious!
- I’m so ADHD!
Do you occasionally forget stuff? Have you ever walked into a room and instantly forgotten what you came for? If so, congratulations! You’re just like… literally every other human on the planet. And this common human behaviour is totally (NOT) the same as having ADHD!
Everybody knows the stereotypes as perpetuated by memes— ADHD = chaotic, unorganised, and hyper. So, if you’re really committed to being offensive, make sure you don’t do your research. Or, if you absolutely insist on doing some homework about this condition, make sure you get all your info from politically incorrect meme pages on Facebook!
By the time you’ve done your Facebook homework, you’ll come to the conclusion that, at best, ADHD is funny and at worst, it’s annoying. It’s not like it’s a complex condition that also involves sensory processing problems, emotional regulation issues, or intense attacks on your self-esteem!
So, go ahead! Say, “Oh my God, I’m SO ADHD!” every time you do something that isn’t 100% perfectly organised. Your ADHD friends will see the humour for sure!
