As a youth, travelling is one of the things that I am destined to do and talk incessantly about. Yet, while in lockdown, travel blogs have been almost too empty when there is still a whole mass of the world that can be explored and pictured in a Facebook album that nobody will ever look at.
If you’re into tropical destinations…
Stay home! Head downstairs in your student house and walk straight into your little bathroom. Chances are you definitely have a loo on the ground floor, and there is even more likelihood that it also has a shower, since all Southampton student houses have very confused layouts. While there’s probably a just-as-nice shower elsewhere in the house, the downstairs bathroom has a certain charm and is usually the one left steaming for several hours later. So use this as your own tropical paradise! Humid and muggy air will leave you with slight headaches and knotty hair, and sipping a piña colada on a closed toilet entertains a certain je ne sais quoi of an exotic escape.
If you’re a fan of winter breaks…
Stay home! Step into the garden of your lockdown house and set up for a night of staring at the stairs. Similar to sleeping in an igloo while watching the Northern Lights, Southampton student houses, typically those in Portswood but elsewhere will do, will have night skies lit up with flashy and ecstatic pollution, mimicking the kind of disturbances that won’t just be occurring in the magnetosphere. Huddle up with a hot drink and you really will be on the winter break of your dreams. Maybe you can even hire your fellow dishevelled housemates to play the part of Christmas stall sellers or get them to fire up the BBQ to enjoy whatever ALDI describes as a ‘German sausage.’ It’ll be like you’re actually in a Cologne Christmas market, or enjoying the freezing magics of Norway.
If adventure holidays are your dream…
Stay home! Pull off those mattresses because adventures sleeps for no-one! Mimicking waterskiing and sledding, mattress gliding can give you the thrills of an Alicante beach without needing to upset our Boris. Bonus points will come if you fire yourself directly at the front door, with the squashy suffocation a physical metaphor for the overfilling of a cheap Spanish airport. If you’re missing the water adventure and won’t stop till you’re soaked, then fill up your tub and get your gym bunny housemate to throw you in; the adventure will really be to see whether or not you’re just going to fall through the ceiling! Exciting
If you’re searching for fine cuisine…
Same home! Escape the confines of the kitchen. People who go travelling in the hope of finding authentic cuisine know that you often have to go down small alleys and far from the hustle and bustle of an ordinary kitchen. This is the same for those travelling during the current lockdown, those who know that the kitchen will only contain the usual and sameness of everyday life. The real snacks and joys of interesting cuisine will be found in the corners of room, under pillows, behind a television. There’s many cracks and crevices within your own house right now that will overwhelm you with splendour, so go investigate under your housemate’s bed.
If you’re a solo traveller by nature…
Stay home and isolate, loser.
